Submitting Should Be Open To All

In the current discussion about the pros and cons of sexual submission, it is misleading I think to genderize the issue. It may be true that guilt and repression have affected men and women unequally through the ages, and that women have seen the uglier side of it.

But consider also that sex is, at its best, transcendental. It is about losing oneself, submerging oneself, shedding one’s identity, astro-projecting, merging for a moment or two with the life force beyond our separation into genders and individuals.

Males want that as well as females. Perhaps their urges and anatomy lead them to express and experience it differently. Perhaps, in the case of the male, it is more of an option in an array of approaches to the boudoir. Perhaps not. Female passivity never was an anatomical necessity, and is certainly not mandatory for male satisfaction.

Unless we can get beyond the sexual politics and view sexual submission in a similar light to any other transformative experience, this will remain a needlessly divisive topic. Submission is, in the best circumstances, open to equal opportunity. Human nature isn’t going to change. So let’s let our bruised, or otherwise restrained, egos rest on the subject. Submission is here to stay.                  

Basic Writes: Reflections on Presidents Day about the words of A...

Basic Writes: Reflections on Presidents Day about the words of A...: "O Captain! my Captain!" "... for you the flag is flung ..." When Walt Whitman wrote his tribute to Abraham Lincoln, so today's media info...

Reflections on Presidents Day about the words of Abraham Lincoln

"O Captain! my Captain!"

"... for you the flag is flung ..."

When Walt Whitman wrote his tribute to Abraham Lincoln, so today's media inform us, the United States were still far from reunited and the population, both north and south, was far from unanimous in praise for its fallen leader.

Almost a century and a half later, it's hard to think of another person — in the political sphere at least — who is so revered.

One may well conclude that it is how Lincoln expressed himself that made the difference. The addresses he wrote have become part of the lexicon of democracy.

At a time when the written word is challenged by rapid changes in technology and public taste, it is heartening, to this writer at least, that something so basic as words on paper (or electronic screen) can have such profound and enduring resonance.

In ways that Lincoln probably could never have imagined, and perhaps would not even have condoned, the written word remains in the vanguard of a continuing campaign to extend the frontiers of liberty.

The content of this website focuses on consenting adults, and that — to borrow a phrase from Lincoln — is altogether fitting and proper.

But one hopes this genre contributes too in some modest way to a wider struggle for expression.   

As long as there are places where females are forcibly kept illiterate and deprived of the physical capacity for sexual pleasure, as long as people are unable to make legitimate lifestyle decisions about their sexual roles, as long as people feel constrained from exploring their sexuality through creative arts, Lincoln's vision of a new birth of freedom will continue to find worthy applications.     

Romantivus: An Alternative To Valentine’s

Am I alone in feeling just a tiny bit turned off by St. Val’s Day? With all that pressure to perform in the shopping department, it’s like relishing the prospect of a cold shower.

OK, I might feel better after the shake down, I mean rub down. But am I being led by the nose rather than by some other appendage I’d rather be led by?

Of course, it’s a great feeling to give a present to a loved one and experience their appreciation. Letting each other know how much we care is the very worthwhile essence of St. Val’s.

But in the back of my mind there’s the image of romance being held hostage by a multi million dollar advertising campaign. We’re being leaned on heavily when it comes to how to celebrate. Cards, chocolates, jewelry, flowers, wine. Lots of red hearts. The usual things.

Maybe it’s time for a St. Val alternative. It could be called Romantivus, and celebrated any day you want, year round. Let’s say, the night of each lunar first quarter — or the nearest weekend.

Its colors could be any combination you find sexy. If a haze of purple and orange turns you on more than crimson, or if stripes of black and lemon yellow are your aphrodisiac, then go for it.

And why stick with those hearts? Weren’t kidneys considered the seat of passion in bygone times?

As for wine? Depending on the season, there’s a multitude of beverages that might put you in the mood just as well. Mead might work for a winter Romantivus. Tequila can be an inhibition buster when temperatures climb. At least opt for a vintage variant. Port, say, or sherry.

Chocolate? Well, that’s not so easy to substitute admittedly. But why not sample it in combination with something more daring? What that might be I’ll leave to your imagination.

A rebellion against the orthodoxy of St. Val will take time, it’s true. Romantivus will not be built in a day. So in the meantime, let’s all splash out on the same old bottles and bouquets, and dream. Come to think of it, that’s what St. Val’s is about anyway, isn’t it? Dreams, I mean.

The Attractions of Unrequited Lust

Erotica can be most compelling when it's about what's out of reach. The urge to acquire what we can’t quite get our hands on is, after all, why billions of dollars are spent on self-improvement products and services by men and women alike.

For instance, a person may see someone attractive and fantasize about making love. The latter’s very inaccessibility may drive that person wild, while the reality may be that a union, were it consummated, might prove to be a bore. Not necessarily, of course. But it’s the old story of achievement not always living up to the anticipation.

The gorgeous couple united in perfect union is all very well, but in this imperfect world the real inspiration is a reject who can't get what he or she wants, or at least not without much mental anguish and then perhaps not without compromise. Such is life …  

Understanding Women

How do women adorn themselves, and why? Fashion designers and sales people obsess over it, of course, as do their potential customers.

For me, as a male writing in the M/F branch of the erotica genre, it’s a topic that can be more than a little daunting at times.

The way I see it men wear clothes and, if they have hair, they comb it. And that's pretty much all a man needs to know about how other men look. OK, so I know it’s different in the M/M branch of the genre, not to mention F/F and transgendered characterization. Oh, right, and fantasy, paranormal etc. But let’s stick with vanilla for this.  

Sometimes the women in my stories push me to the edge of the known male universe. My version of the male universe anyway.

For instance, a female character saunters into my plot. Well, for a start, does she saunter? Or does she sashay or perhaps strut? If she were a man, she could just walk. But no, with women the details seem to count more.

And then there's that top. Is it a tank or tee, a blouse or a bodice? Is it sheer or a scoop neck? Satin or silk?

That's just a start. Then one has to consider what she actually looks like apart from those clothes. There's a bewildering palette of make-up shades and hair tints. Do her peepers blink beneath mascara or eye liner? Is that blush or bronze on her cheeks? Is that smudge of lipstick on his collar burgundy or hot pink? And is it lipstick or lip gloss?

In my blinkered view, men come in three or four colors at most. The way cars used to. You can have your man’s follicles in brown, blond, gray or black. Eyes are blue or brown, occasionally something fancy like cobalt or emerald. But be careful. The guy's a hunk, right? Even if he has skin as smooth as titanium and eyes of a deep chili ocher, he's not likely to be uncool enough to draw attention to it. All right, he might if it gets him what he wants.

The list goes on, and it's got me studying magazine spreads I never thought I'd notice. Girly stuff that's supposed to be about fashion rather than erotica — unless you've got special needs like mine.

I still hardly know a pump from a platform heel. But this isn't a bad way to get an education. And, of course, I'm not a total idiot. Character is more than skin deep, I know that. She has to say "yes" in so many words, or I'm out of a plot. Then again, what does she really mean when she says that? Maybe? If you do it my way? Those women. So many nuances.        

Act Naturally — Or Did They?

Take a look at any picture of Adam and Eve and the erotic possibilities seem obvious. Usually the First Couple is naked, or as close to it as propriety allowed. Either way, their basic bodily components are not difficult to figure out.

So it doesn’t take an analyst to conclude that what people can do with each other, once they get intimate, has been pretty much the same since the Garden of Eden or Lucy the missing link — take your pick.

However, what people do with each other and what they say they do are two different things, as Kinsey and others have shown. For instance, has foreplay always been important? Some cultures are reputed to shy away from oral sex. Is that true of certain eras as well? Or is it just that some generations are more discreet in their pleasures than others?

It’s clear from classical Greek friezes and Indian temple art that ours is not the only period in history to exalt in sexual athletics. At other times though, moral and religious constraints have made the missionary position between heterosexual spouses the only viable option for many.

And, of course, we need not mention the loves that dare not speak their names. After the decline of Sparta, not many advocates went into detail about those areas of exploration. At least not for a couple of millennia.

I’m reminded of all this as I work on some stories based on myth and folklore. Intimate details in that material are hard to come by. Go back a long way and you’ll find plenty of outsized yonis, breasts and phalluses. But what they did with them is not so clear. Apparently they were good for fertility, but that’s hardly a hot button in the bedroom these days.

Traditional ballads and classical legends are full of transformations in the pursuit of carnal knowledge, or attempted escape from it. And though being turned into a tree or a snake or whatever may have done wonders for the libido, it does leave some gaps in our understanding.

Ah well, that’s what writers have imaginations for. That and search engines.